Style Confidence: 8 Tips To Find A Feel-Good Style
The missing link
Mirrors fill my studio. Often when people walk in, I see them glance at their reflection quickly before running to the corner armchair for safety. I've had to get used to my reflection on good days as well as the bad days, so I can understand how nervous my clients are. While I don't always love what I see in the mirror now, I know what to expect, and so now it’s okay for me.
Although people visit me for a variety of reasons, they primarily come to me to learn how to enhance their appearance. They learn what types of clothes suit their body shape or what colours suit their complexion. Despite the fact that everyone is different, low self-esteem is something all of my clients have in common, to varying degrees. Although I feel excited for them when they take action to make themselves feel better, I am often secretly saddened by how low they feel and wish I had a magic wand for a quick fix. However, I understand how they feel. How are we supposed to accept ourselves for who we are in a world full of airbrushed magazine covers with articles on how to flatten our abs and keep our booties round? In the midst of all the perfection that seems to surround us, it is no wonder why so many people are feeling deflated.
In my role as an image consultant, it is my mission to change my clients' feeling of not feeling good enough by helping them with their outer appearance. Although I am confident in my skills, i know that the human ‘well-being’ puzzle is a complex one. I am only one piece of the puzzle. I also know that there is often more work to be done than choosing the perfect pair of jeans. J Palmer once said, "Healing is an inside job." Based on my own experience, this is certainly true, but I've also discovered that how one looks on the outside affects how you feel on the inside. As the famous Italian actress Sophia Loren once said: “Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.”
In a sense, everything is connected. Our internal feelings are connected to our external appearance and vice versa. Or, as in the chicken and the egg analogy, which came first: feeling good or looking good? It different for us all. But the main point with change, be it the inner or the outer work, is that there is a beginning. With the right tools, it can be like dominoes once there is one positive change.
Apart from helping them with their colours and clothes, my clients often ask me if I have any life hack tips. Pearls of wisdom. Here are some thoughts I have, since I'm always learning and I'm a work in progress.
1.Focus on what you have the power to change!
A healthy diet and regular exercise! It's not about eating less, it's about eating right, exercising, and being healthy. With exercise as king and nutrition as queen, you have a kingdom!
People with low self-esteem are often so obsessed with how thin or fat they are. We all need to understand that we are all different and healthy comes in different shapes and sizes.
Let me not bore you with my daily menu. My experience with food and diet has taught me that what might work for one person, may not work for another. In my teens, I was overweight, in my twenties, I was too thin, and I tried every diet out there from Atkins, to Dukan, to the South Beach diet and back again. At 30, I read 'It Starts with Food' by Melissa Hatteig, which transformed the way I think about food. It helped me. While my diet is not perfect these days, I generally eat three meals and two snacks a day, 80% of the time. No crazy zero carb or no fat diets for me. For me, food is fuel, not comfort. Also, I don't overeat... unless it's Christmas or my birthday and cake is calling.
Now, about exercise. Without it my brain wouldn't work. Because my sister and I had two super-fit parents, exercise was a way of life, but I didn't truly understand the importance of exercise until I was in my thirties and struggling with anxiety. Yoga and running are my things. While I joke with friends that running is cheaper than therapy, I know that when I am not exercising everything falls apart and I feel incomplete. When I'm fit, I'm mentally stronger, my mind is sharp, and I look and feel better.
I understand it's easier to preach the virtues of healthy eating and exercise when you're on the journey and reaping the benefits yourself. Making that first step is always the most challenging part. When you do, however, the results will speak for themselves and you will begin to love the skin you are in. The only place to start is at the beginning. And as the famous American writer F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote: “For what it's worth: it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.”
2.Stop comparing yourself to others!
While I understand that this can be difficult in the social media storm we are experiencing, everyone wishes they could change something about their bodies. Wishing you had someone else's thighs, curly hair, or smile takes away what makes you unique. Don't question your own beauty just because you admire someone else's. As Oscar Wilde put it best: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
3. Dress as if you're in the place you want to be
Do you want to wait until you lose weight before you start updating your wardrobe? Think about investing in some smart wardrobe pieces, such as a chic blazer, an updated pair of shoes, a stylish scarf and or piece of costume jewellery. By doing this, you will give yourself a boost and step up the ladder of change without having to buy clothes that you don't intend to keep.
4. Self care
Life can sometimes feel like one long to-do list. Work, childcare, and running a house never seem to leave enough time for much else, least of all ourselves. For the sake of your sanity, you need to step off the treadmill (I appreciate I just told you to get on one - change of plans!) and just stop. Turn off your phone and tune back into your body. Taking some time out to 'be' yourself is the best way to disconnect from the world that never stops. Do something you enjoy, whether it's a bath, a run, reading a book, whatever it may be, even for a few minutes. If you don't know what to do with this sudden onset of me time because you have forgotten what life is like outside of your bubble, then I recommend the Headspace App. It's free!
5. Create a network of support
While it may seem obvious, we often forget to spend time with people who have a positive influence on us. As Roy T. Bennett once said: “Good things happen in your life when you surround yourself with positive people.” It can be easy to get caught up in the negativity of everyday life, but having positive interactions with people who lift us up can help us remember our self-worth and better navigate difficult situations.
6. Be kind
As a child, my parents taught me that kindness is a choice worth making, and that is a lesson I hope to instil in my children as well. The ripple effect is far-reaching. When we act kindly, it can have a positive impact on the people around us, and even on strangers. It can encourage others to be kind, too. Plus, it can help us to create a better, more compassionate world. Then you can make more compassionate decisions for yourself.
7. Be grateful
It is very easy to get sucked into the idea that everyone else has it better after viewing picture perfect Facebook posts. In reality, we have no idea what is transpiring in other people's lives. Being grateful for what we already have is far more powerful than fantasizing about what we wish we had. Taking a moment to be thankful for our own lives can be far more rewarding than comparing ourselves to others. This leads to contentment that cannot be found in any other way. Its an inside job!
8. Do the work
In this human experience, we are spiritual beings learning and growing. When you listen to your intuition and follow it, you become more in tune with your authentic self, allowing your spiritual essence to shine through. This essence is what brings out your unique creativity and beauty, allowing you to be seen for who you truly are. Be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn, then be a unicorn!